Mondays at the Manor - The Dance and Social Contact

As young ladies looking to marry, and young men looking for a wife, the young people in the Backus family took advantage of a variety of social situation. A dance was one of the most available means to mingle with others of their age.

As with most activates, there were rules governing behaviour at these dances. The rules covered when to dance, who to dance with, and even how loud to speak.

Be very careful how you refuse to dance with a gentleman. Be careful that you do not engage yourself twice for the same quadrille.

Let your manner in a ball room be quiet. It looks very badly to see a lady endeavoring to attract attention by her boisterous manner, loud talking, or over-active dancing.

At the end of each dance, your partner will offer his arm, and conduct you to a seat; then bow, and release him from further attendance.

When invited to dance, hand your ball card to the gentleman, who will put his name in one of the vacant places.

If you are accompanied by a gentleman, besides your father or brother, remember he has the right to the first dance, and also will expect to take you in to supper.

Never leave the ball room, for any such purpose, alone, as there are always gentlemen near and round the door, and it looks very badly to see a lady, unattended, going through a crowd of gentlemen.

It is best at a ball, to dance only every other dance, as over-fatigue, and probably a flushed face, will follow too much dancing.  

Never allow your partner, though he may be your most intimate friend, to converse in a low tone, or in any way assume a confidential air at a ball.
No young lady should go to a ball, without the protection of a married lady, or an elderly gentleman.

The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness

       A Complete Hand Book for the Use of the Lady in Polite Society

By Florence Hartley, published in 1854

These were just a few of the rules that young ladies and gentlemen were required to know and follow. These rules were taught along with the dance steps that allowed for proper and acceptable behaviour and to avoid embarrassment.

There were more discreet ways of communication in social places. Most ladies carried a hand fan, and the fan became a useful object to convey feelings.  Fans have been in use since the days of ancient Rome, but became popular during the late eighteenth century, and in 1797. London fan maker Charles Badini, published “Fanology or Ladies Conversation Fan” and gave a copy with each fan purchased. This idea became so popular, that the stylish ladies of the city adopted this set of signals. What began as a sales gimmick became a part of the culture and continued into the end of the nineteenth century.

The next time you get an opportunity, here is a helpful guide to some of the most common fan signals:

·         Yes:    Touch your right cheek with your fan and leave it there.

·         No:    Touch your left cheek with your fan and leave it there.

·         I’m married:    Fan yourself slowly.

·         I’m engaged:    Fan yourself quickly.

·         I desire to be acquainted with you:    Place the fan in your left hand in front of your face.

·         I hate you:    Draw the fan through your hand.

·         I am sorry:    Draw the fan across your eyes.

·         Go away:    Hold the fan over your left ear.

Next time you to go a dance, or go dancing, keep all of this in mind, and enjoy living in the 21^st century!

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