Monday, May 25, 2020

Mondays at the Manor - Courtship for the Backus Family



                              
  

           
 To the Backus family, one of the most import tasks for Mrs. Backus was to ensure that her daughters were married, and married into good families.  Courtship in her life was much different from what we look at as dating today.
The time for a young woman to enter society and assume her role as a marriageable woman was determined by her parents. A woman was also expected to have completed her education typically around age 16. Courting before this age was highly frowned upon. A young lady was chaperoned at public entertainments, such as theatre or dances, by her parents, brothers, or a family friend. (Once she became formally engaged, her fiancĂ© became her “legitimate protector and companion.”) She always followed acceptable behaviors, and books were written that outline what that would be. Mrs. John Farrar wrote The Young Lady’s Friend, that was published in 1837. She called for “delicacy and refinement” when in the company of young men. “Never let a man hold your hand; decline his offer of assistance with getting in and out of carriages.” Mrs. Farrar summarized: “Your whole deportment should give the idea that your person, your voice, and your mind are entirely under your own control. Self-possession is the first requisite to good manners.”
A gentleman did not consider courting a woman unless he had been formally introduced to her. (Men were not without their etiquette manuals: Lord Chesterfield’s Advice to His Son on Men and Manners, first published in 1774, was the popular source.) As they became acquainted, and if he perceived that she was not averse, a gentleman took the next step — writing to the lady’s father to ask permission to pay a visit to their home. As soon as the father established that a young gentleman was suitable company for his daughter, courtship commenced. In the young lady’s front parlor, with a chaperone present, a courting couple engaged in allowed activities including singing, talking, piano playing, and parlor games with other guests. Supervised carriage rides and outdoor excursions to dances, picnics, dinners, and concerts were also permitted. By the mid nineteenth century most young people, and many parents, believed that people should marry for love, but permission from parents was still important. Long engagements were common and it was not considered proper for a young couple to marry until the man could support his wife in a decent home.
Before 1860 the typical couple was married at the bride’s home in the presence of immediate family members and a few close friends. During the 1860s and 1870s middle-class weddings became more elaborate. The bride’s family often sent engraved invitations to a wide range of relatives and acquaintances. Church weddings became more common because the typical family parlor could not hold all the guests, and weddings were often followed by lavish receptions. Many middle-class brides who could afford to do so wore flowing white gowns and veils, a style that originated with in the 1830s, having been influenced by the wedding dress of Queen Victoria in 1840.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


All our events, admission and programming income goes into maintaining our heritage buildings, daily operating expenses like utilities, and funding future events.  If you are able to contribute financially by purchasing a Tyrconnell Heritage Society Membership or making a donation in any amount your support would be greatly appreciated.  Memberships - Individual $30; Couple $35; Family $40; Organization $45; Business $75; Individual Lifetime $250  Here is the link to our page at CanadaHelps.




No comments: