Monday at the Manor

Now that our table is properly set, we can begin to practice how to sit and behave during the meal. Dining etiquette stretches back centuries. To many people, formal table settings are an art form, and table manners are not to be taken lightly.  Families such as the Backus’ would have taught their children how to behave at the table as soon as they were able to hold their own spoons.  Breaking any of the many rules would have been cause for severe discipline.

Today, many of the behaviors that take place at the dinner table are deeply rooted in history. Here’s a look at some of the traditions, their origins, and what we should practice for life today.

Dining at a meal seems simple enough, but the process is full of tradition and rules of etiquette.

In The Ladies’ Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness, which was published in 1860, Florence Hartley says “In order to appear perfectly well-bred at table when in company, you must pay attention, three times a day, to the points of table etiquette. If you neglect these little details at home and in private, they will be performed awkwardly and with an air of restraint when you are in company. By making them habitual, they will become natural, and appear easily, and sit gracefully upon you.”

Mrs. Hartley’s book, which is 200 pages long, also gives rules for the size bites to take, how to sit at the table, to keep your elbows off the table, and never take large portions of food. She also describes how to keep a quiet tone of voice and never speak when there is food in your mouth.  There were rules for where to sit, when to sit, and even who was served first. This is just a summary of table etiquette in the 19^th century. (if you want a copy, of the book, it is available for free at https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/35123 )

Many of our table manners today come from practical concerns. Have you ever been told not to put your elbows in the table? In medieval times, tables were board put on braces, and if someone leaned too hard, the entire table would overturn. Later, the practice held to keep clothing clean and off the dirty tablecloth. Why should we only have our right hand on the table, except to cut meat? The left hand was considered “dirty” and used for bodily functions.

Today, it is still important to practice good table manners. As Mrs. Hartley reminds us, if we practice every day then we will never be embarrassed in public. Here are some of the manners that are currently accepted for the 21^st century table:

·         Sit up straight

·         Don’t speak with your mouth full

·         Keep bites small, chew quietly and try not to slurp

·         Eat at a leisurely pace

·         Keep your elbows off the table

·         Don’t reach across the table, ask for food to be passed.

·         Don’t forget please and thank you

·         Excuse yourself when finished – ask for permission to be excused.

·         For formal meals, you should never bring your cell phone to the table. Dinner is for conversation.

So why are all these rules so important? Table manners show that you are concerned about your appearance, much the same as your clothing, and that you know how to behave in social situations, similar to shaking hands or removing a hat or cap in the house. Many corporations today hire consultants to teach proper manners to their employees, and if your interview takes place during a lunch meeting, proper manners can seal the deal.

Take some time with your family to practice your best manners.  With younger children, it can become a game with a reward (i.e. – the child who can make it through a meal is excused from a special chore). So set your table, brush up on your manners, and enjoy your meals together.

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